I am in the depths of despair.
I have no where to go
No one to turn to…
My life is not worth living.
What is the point? I ask myself.
Why was I put here?
Why was I born?
I can’t bear to look in the mirror,
For I disgust myself.
All that I see is sin too great
A soul beyond repair.
My state is one of helplessness
I am trapped in my own evildoings.
The chains that hold me
Refuse to break; I cannot save myself.
This is worse than death;
Forever I am haunted
Forever I am tortured
By the wickedness of my deeds.
In desperation I cling to things:
The idols of this world.
But they do not last, they crumble away
Leaving me standing here.
I fall to my knees.
I surrender! Let it end!
I can’t do this anymore!
And then…
A blinding flash of light
Tears through the prison walls;
The darkness melts away.
My chains fall off, and I am free.
Overwhelmed, I see my sin more clearly
But I can’t hide it from Him.
Through the light, He is coming towards me.
Will He cast me away?
He takes my hands in His,
And pulls me to my feet.
I hear his righteous words
Sounding in my ears:
“Follow me.
I will never leave you,
Nor forsake you.
When all else passes away, I will remain.”
He has cleansed me, through and through.
I am no longer bound by my past offenses.
I am born again,
Purchased by His blood.
What a marvelous thing, to think that
He has saved me!
He gave His life for me;
Now I am free to live my life for Him.
~The Scribbler
P.S. This was my first poem :)
3 comments:
Hassan like!
Well, then congratulations on getting a poem out there! Huzzah for you.
I like the idea behind this one as well. Been where the narrator is.
You have it in free verse, which is fine, if you want to have it like that. I'm thinking it would be neat, though, if you made this one with a vaguely complicated rhyme scheme (nothing horridly tricky, just not aabb or even abab. Too ordinary and perky.) For example, notice that you rhymed the first line of the first stanza and the last line of the third stanza (apparently be accident, because you didn't do it consistently.) That would be really interesting to have the whole way though. If you did that, you might want to (but would not have to) standardise the metre as well. The "forever I am ____" also caught my eye. If that sort of pattern were to be repeated (not the same words, per se, in every stanza, but the same bit where the second and third lines begin the same way), that would also add to the effect.
The one thing here that really bothers me is that three-line stanza. It can be good to break from the normal formatting with things like that if what that particular stanza communicates is meant to stick out of the text (same with metre, etc.) But it doesn't seem like here you meant to do that. All the other stanzas are four lines. Again, if you wanted to consistently make every other stanza (or however many; doesn't have to be every other one) three lines for effect, that could work.
Sorry I gave you an essay as a comment, Scribbler. May your pens stay sharp!
I felt like crying when I read that! It was beautiful!
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