Another poem I've written, which happens to be another free-verse. The usual as far as comments and what-not. Happy Christmas!
The Dream
Awake? No!
Fall back to sleep, back to sleep.
You must think of it, remember
What you’re losing even now.
Look, the castle and the prince
And his bride clad in white.
Were you at the wedding?
Or were you just omniscient?
No, don’t think.
If you do it’ll slip away.
Prince, bride, castle of stone.
But don’t remember too hard
Or you’ll never sleep.
Castle, castle… castle…
You must think of more than the castle!
No, back to sleep, to sleep.
Recall when the people applauded,
When the prince appeared suddenly?
You clapped too. So you were there.
No! Stop thinking, sleep, sleep.
Bride, wearing white with a long veil
Of silver and white.
Come, return, you must!
You were so lovely, so alluring.
You cannot leave me now.
They hadn’t taken the vows yet.
Sleep, sleep. You must sleep.
Let the dream return.
-Jacki Siwel
2 comments:
I like how repetitive this poem is; it made me feel very sleepy, which I think was your intent. However, I was sometimes confused by the way it all flowed. I don't now much about poetry, but sometimes the rhythm seemed to hit rough seas. If you could smooth that over, it would make definitely the poem better, and I'd enjoy reading it more :)
In which places? Some of the unevenness is certainly due to the fact that it is free verse, and therefore has no set metre. Some of the broken metre is for effect, in that the narrator is drifting in and out of consciousness in an attempt to force himself back into the dream.
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