This is a prologue for a story which is still mostly in my head. Thoughts, edits, et cetera would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.
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'Quickly! We must leave her. Come.' The man held out a large hand. A small woman hesitated.
'I can’t leave her. I can’t!' She turned on him, her eyes flashing in the moonlight. 'She’s my daughter! Can’t you understand that, brother? I cannot leave her here!'
'She’ll be fine. Hurry, they are following!' His voice was filled fear which he unsuccessfully tried to calm.
'I won't!' she screamed, clasping a swaddled bundle to her breast. He clapped a hand over her mouth.
'Hush, woman! Do you want them to find us?'
She tore away from him and stared defiantly. 'I don't care!' she cried. 'My baby will either be left here to be raised in the hands of these... these traitors, or they will kill her! Neither fate is what I wished.' Her voice suddenly became sickeningly sweet. 'You know this, surely. Your own child was left here a year ago, was he not?'
The man's fists clenched. 'He deserted me and ran off with his brother... you torment me! And to what end? You yourself have pointed out that there are only two options before you concerning the baby. Choose.'
The woman looked down at her child, who was gurgling softly. The babe looked back, but did not make a sound. Her grey eyes were so trusting, so devoted, so...
'Choose!' said the man again, his voice now a frantic whisper. The woman looked at the top of the eastern hill. The wolves howled. She shivered involuntarily. They were not too close, but not far enough away, either. In a matter of minutes, they would be in the very valley in which she stood. But would her child?
'Choose!' The man's voice echoed off the hills surrounding them. A wolf yapped, and then many wolves took up the eerie bay. The man started; he had not intended for his voice to rise so much. He glared at his sister. The woman glanced last time at her child. The baby felt heavy; there was no way that she could escape the wolves with the extra weight in her arms. She held back tears as she lay the babe in the tall grass amidst clover and stones. She muttered a blessing on the child, then ran.
5 comments:
I think you need to work on your verbs. The biggest thing in writing is verbs and nouns (really, it's true!). But aside from that, quite good.
~ A friend
Are you referencing the verbs in the whole piece, or in a specific section of it?
Thanks for the comment.
Please write the rest!!
Star catcher - Thank you for your enthusiasm. It is very encouraging. As I said, most of the story is in my head at the moment, rather than on paper. I will certainly attempt to get it onto paper as soon as I may. Cheers.
-Jacki
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